The Mental Load of Always Being the Strong One

-

The Mental Load of Always Being the Strong One


You’re the one everyone calls during a crisis.
The one who keeps it together when everything falls apart.
The one who’s reliable, calm, capable, and composed.
You’re “the strong one.” And no one ever asks if you’re okay.

Being the strong one becomes part of your identity, so much so that you forget who you were before you learned to carry so much. While the world admires your strength, they often forget that even strong people get tired.

My Story: Strength Woven into Survival

As a single mother, I didn’t have the luxury of falling apart. I had to keep going no matter how exhausted, broken, or overwhelmed I felt. I was the one my daughter looked to for stability, for comfort, for safety. I was the provider, the nurturer, the protector, the decision-maker. There was no one else. Just me.

People would say, “You’re so strong, I don’t know how you do it.”
But they didn’t see the silent nights I cried quietly so my child wouldn’t hear.
They didn’t see how I held back my own fears just to give her a sense of peace.

And somewhere in all that strength, I lost sight of my own softness.
Because being strong wasn’t a choice, it was survival.

Carrying the Invisible Weight

Strength doesn’t just show up in moments of hardship, it’s an everyday performance. It’s the pressure to say “I’ve got this” even when you don’t. It’s swallowing your own pain so you can show up for someone else. It’s hiding tears behind a smile and telling yourself, “I’ll deal with it later.”

But later never comes. Especially when you’re the one keeping everything afloat. You don't know how to not be strong anymore, because if you crumble, who will hold it together?

When Strength Becomes a Mask

At some point, your strength stops being empowering and starts becoming isolating. You become so used to helping others that vulnerability feels foreign. Asking for help feels weak. You worry people won’t know what to do with your softness, so you protect them from it.

You may even start to resent how people lean on you, because deep down, you’re screaming for someone to lean on too.

But how can you fall apart when no one expects you to?
Worse - how can you rest when your worth has been built on endurance?

The Cost of Always Being Okay

  • You don’t process your emotions. You’re too busy managing everyone else’s.

  • You don’t ask for help. You’ve been praised for being independent, so asking feels like failure.

  • You feel disconnected. People love what you do for them, but don’t often see what you need.

For single parents, this weight can feel tenfold. The guilt, the pressure, the fear of being "too much" or "not enough." You want to model resilience for your child but you also carry silent grief for all the times you had no one to lean on.

You Deserve to Be Soft, Too

Strength isn’t just about holding things together. Sometimes, strength looks like setting it down.

You are allowed to:

  • Cry without explaining why.

  • Ask for help without apologizing.

  • Say “I’m tired” without guilt.

  • Let someone else be the strong one for a change.

You are not a machine. You are a human being.

The truth is, real strength includes softness. Real strength makes room for being undone. It welcomes rest, stillness, even collapse, because it trusts that healing will follow.

Gentle Journal Prompts

  • What does being “the strong one” look like in my life today?

  • In what ways has being a single parent shaped how I define strength?

  • What emotions have I been putting on hold to stay strong?

  • If I could ask for support without guilt, what would I ask for?

Final Words

If you’ve been holding the world together for everyone else, this is your reminder: You don’t have to do it alone.

You can still be strong and ask for support.
You can still be wise and not have all the answers.
You can still be enough, without carrying it all.

Let this be your gentle permission to rest.
Not because you're weak. But because you're human.
And even the strong need space to breathe.



If this spoke to you, you’re not alone. I share more honest stories, gentle reminders, and real talk about mental health, self-worth, and finding peace at your own pace.

Follow me for more! let’s grow together, one step at a time.

Location: Canada

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Loved on The Womind Journal

When Love Becomes Control: The Mental Health Toll of a Manipulative Partner

-
Image
When Love Becomes Control: The Mental Health Toll of a Manipulative Partner We all want love that feels safe, love that nurtures, respects, and uplifts. But what happens when love starts to feel like a trap? When words meant to comfort slowly confuse, and affection becomes a tool for control? Many people find themselves in relationships where manipulation is disguised as love. It can be subtle at first—so subtle you might even question if it’s real. But over time, this emotional manipulation can deeply damage your mental health and sense of self. What Is a Manipulative Partner? A manipulative partner isn’t always loud or aggressive. They might be charming in public, attentive in small ways, or even act like a victim to guilt you into staying. But their patterns tell the truth: They twist your words. They make you feel like you’re always wrong. They isolate you from people who care. They gaslight you, denying things they clearly did. They use love as a reward system: ...
Read more

The Silent Weight I Carried: My Journey Working Abroad and Searching for Life at 37

-
Image
The Silent Weight I Carried: My Journey Working Abroad and Searching for Life at 37 This is me talking, at 37 years old.  At 36, I made a big decision, I moved to Canada to work and start a new life. I left my career, my mother, my brother, ash & coco, and everything familiar behind, hoping to build something better, something lasting. Now, I’m here in Canada, still fighting to find life for me . For the past 14 years, I’ve lived a life divided between duty and distance. Working abroad, far away from my daughter, I dedicated myself to building a better future for her. I worked hard. I survived. I sacrificed. I endured. But in the process of showing up for everyone else, I stopped showing up for myself. To many, I’m fortunate. I have a decent job. I own a house. I have food, and security. I’m grateful for everything I’ve achieved. But even gratitude doesn’t cancel out the quiet exhaustion that lives in me. The kind that builds slowly over years of loneliness, responsibility,...
Read more

How Journaling Helped Me Heal

-
Image
How Journaling Helped Me Heal: From Chaos to Clarity There was a time in my life when my mind felt like a storm I couldn’t escape. I was in therapy, trying to understand myself, trying to breathe through the weight of emotions I didn’t yet have the tools to manage. That’s when I started journaling—not because I knew what I was doing, but because I needed somewhere to put all the noise. At first, I wrote down everything. Every negative thought, every fear, every spiral that pulled me under. My journal became the place where I could be brutally honest, messy, and completely unfiltered. I wasn’t writing to be wise or poetic—I was writing to survive. Writing Without Judgment I gave myself permission to put anything on the page. No edits. No shame. Even if the thoughts were dark or irrational, they had to come out. Strangely, the more I wrote, the lighter I began to feel. It was like pulling weeds from a garden—I had to see them clearly before I could understand what needed to be cleare...
Read more

"Am I Asking Too Much?”: A Mother’s Silent Pain and the Moment I Broke

-
Image
“Am I Asking Too Much?”: A Mother’s Silent Pain and the Moment I Broke There was once a mother who raised her daughter all alone. She gave up everything, her dreams, her peace, her joy, to make sure her daughter had everything she needed, and more. She put her own happiness on hold so her daughter could build a better life. Now her daughter is standing on the edge of adulthood. But somewhere along the way, something shifted. All the mother ever asked for in return was something simple. Respect. Not money. Not gifts. Just to be spoken to with kindness. Just to be treated like someone who mattered. But instead of respect, she’s often met with pride. Her daughter refuses to apologize, even when she knows she’s in the wrong. Her words are sharp. Her tone is cold. And it hurts in ways no one can see, because it’s not just disrespect, it’s betrayal. Of all the sacrifices. Of all the sleepless nights. Of all the love. One day, the mother broke. Her daughter spoke to her with su...
Read more

When Words Hurt: The Lasting Impact of Panlalait sa Katawan on Confidence and Mental Health

-
Image
When Words Hurt: The Lasting Impact of Panlalait sa Katawan on Confidence and Mental Health “Ang taba mo na.” “Uy, tumaba ka.” “Dati mas payat ka, anong nangyari?” In many Filipino conversations, comments like these are thrown around casually. They're often meant as jokes or observations, harmless, even affectionate. But for the person on the receiving end, these words can cut deep and leave lasting scars. This is “panlalait sa katawan”  a form of body shaming that may be common in daily life, butis never harmless. Let’s talk about how these seemingly small comments affect confidence, mental health, and our relationship with our bodies. 1. Panlalait sa Katawan and the Normalization of Shame In Filipino culture, teasing is often seen as normal or even caring. But when comments revolve around someone’s body, they do more harm than good. They send the message that: You’re only valuable if you fit certain beauty standards. Gaining weight means something’s wrong with yo...
Read more