The 4 Types of Anger: And How to Work With Each One

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The 4 Types of Anger: and How to Work With Each One

Anger is often misunderstood. It's not inherently bad; it's a signal that something needs attention. Recognizing the different forms anger can take is the first step in managing it constructively. Let's explore four common types of anger and strategies to navigate each.

1. Passive Anger: The Silent Storm

What It Looks Like:

  • Sarcasm or snide remarks

  • Withdrawing without explanation

  • Giving the silent treatment

  • Feigning indifference with phrases like “I’m fine”

What's Underneath:

  • Fear of confrontation

  • People-pleasing tendencies

  • Repressed frustration or resentment

How to Work With It:

  • Practice naming your needs directly: “I felt hurt when...”

  • Journal first if you're unsure how to speak it—use prompts like “What am I afraid will happen if I speak up?”

  • Seek therapy to explore underlying fears and develop healthier communication strategies

2. Assertive Anger: The Healthy Middle

What It Looks Like:

  • Speaking up clearly and calmly

  • Setting boundaries without aggression

  • Expressing frustration without blame

What's Underneath:

  • Self-respect

  • Emotional intelligence

  • A desire to resolve the issue, not escalate it

How to Work With It:

  • Celebrate it! This is the ideal expression of anger.

  • Stay grounded: Deep breaths, relaxed posture, and intentional pauses help you hold your ground without becoming reactive.

  • Use assertive phrases like:

    • “I’m feeling angry about what happened, and I want to find a solution.”

    • “I respect you, and I also need to say how this affected me.

3. Explosive Anger: The Sudden Outburst

What It Looks Like:

  • Yelling or slamming things

  • Saying things you regret

  • Feeling like your anger controls you

What's Underneath:

  • Long-term buildup of stress or trauma

  • Lack of emotional regulation tools

  • Feeling unheard, disrespected, or powerless

How to Work With It:

  • Remove yourself from the trigger if possible.

  • Use body-based tools to discharge energy:

    • Splash cold water on your face

    • Run in place

    • Scream into a pillow (yes, seriously!)

  • Later, reflect: What was I really angry about? What signs did I miss that I was reaching my limit?

  • Consider therapy to develop healthier coping mechanisms

4. Internalized Anger: The Quiet Self-Blame

What It Looks Like:

  • Beating yourself up

  • Harsh inner dialogue (“I’m so stupid.”)

  • Suppressed emotions turning into anxiety or depression

What's Underneath:

  • Shame

  • Unprocessed guilt

  • A history of not being allowed to express emotions outwardly

How to Work With It:

  • Practice self-compassion: Use kinder language with yourself (“I made a mistake, but I’m still worthy.”)

  • Externalize your anger safely: Write an unsent letter to yourself, or talk back to the critical voice in your head.

  • Seek therapy to address underlying issues and develop healthier self-relationship

Final Thoughts

Anger doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s a signal that something needs attention. By learning to recognize how your anger shows up and what it’s trying to tell you, you can respond with clarity instead of shame, boundaries instead of explosions, and compassion instead of silence.

💬 What type of anger do you most relate to? How do you manage it?

Feel free to share your experiences or strategies below, your story might encourage someone else.




If this spoke to you, you’re not alone. I share more honest stories, gentle reminders, and real talk about mental health, self-worth, and finding peace at your own pace.

Follow me for more! let’s grow together, one step at a time.

Location: Canada

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