The Father I Needed But Never Had: A Story of Abandonment, Anger, and Forgiveness

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The Father I Needed But Never Had: A Story of Abandonment, Anger, and Forgiveness

Growing up without a father's presence is a wound that doesn’t always show on the outside, but it cuts deep. My story isn’t just about an absent parent, it’s about learning to survive without guidance, carrying the weight of unspoken pain, and eventually, finding peace not through his validation, but through my own healing.

Raised Without a Guide

My brother and I didn’t grow up in a typical home. From a young age, we were forced to navigate life on our own. We didn’t have parents who could offer us emotional safety, guidance, or support. After my father and mother separated, he walked away, not just from their relationship, but from his responsibilities as a father.

He chose himself.
He chose his happiness.
He chose another family.

While we struggled to survive, emotionally and financially, he was building a new life with someone else, giving them the love, care, and future that should have been ours. He became the father to someone else’s children that he never was to us.

The Impact on My Mental Health

Living without a father's love and support left invisible scars that shaped the way I viewed myself and the world.

I developed deep-rooted feelings of abandonment. That pain turned into self-doubt, and that self-doubt became anxiety. I struggled to trust people, always expecting them to leave, because he did.

I felt emotionally disconnected, even in moments where I was surrounded by people. I became independent out of necessity, but inside, I felt lost, like I was carrying a burden that no one could see. There were days when sadness came in waves, and I couldn’t even explain where it was coming from. It was just there, heavy, familiar, and exhausting.

The lack of validation from him affected every part of my identity. When someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally never even acknowledges your pain, it makes you wonder if your emotions are valid at all.

I silenced myself. I hid how I felt. And I wore strength like armor, not because I was okay, but because I thought no one would care if I wasn’t.

The Pain of Being Overlooked

What hurt the most wasn’t just his absence, it was how easy it seemed for him to forget us. For fifteen years, I carried a deep anger toward him. Not just because he left, but because he never once looked back. He never checked if we were okay. He never acknowledged the pain he caused or the milestones he missed.

Even as I got older, even after I became an adult, I never heard the words I needed.
No “I’m proud of you.”
No “I’m sorry.”
No “You matter to me.”

Instead, every time I tried to be seen, I was pushed aside. He always took the side of his wife, no matter the situation. I was never heard. My feelings were never validated. As his daughter, I never felt like I belonged, like I was part of his world at all.

The Search for Validation

That absence followed me everywhere. I found myself constantly searching for the validation he never gave me, in friendships, in relationships, even in my accomplishments. I wanted someone to finally say, “You are enough. You are important. I see you.”

But the truth is: no amount of external validation can fill the void left by a parent’s rejection.

Learning to Forgive, for Me

One day, I realized that carrying anger for fifteen years didn’t make me stronger. It made me tired. And while I had every right to feel hurt and abandoned, I didn’t want those feelings to control me anymore.

I chose to forgive him, not because he apologized, not because he changed, but because I needed peace.
Forgiveness didn’t mean forgetting. It didn’t mean excusing what he did. It meant releasing myself from the hold his absence had on me. It meant letting go of the fantasy that he would someday become the father I needed.

Healing Without His Validation

Healing taught me that I don't need his approval to feel whole. I don’t need his love to be lovable. I don’t need his words to believe in my worth. I may never hear the apology I deserve, but I am learning to validate myself, to give that younger version of me the love she always craved.

To anyone who’s been abandoned, overlooked, or made to feel like they’re not enough:
You are not alone. Your pain is real. And your story matters, even if the people who caused the pain refuse to acknowledge it.

I am still my father’s daughter.
But more importantly — I am my own person now. And that is enough.


If this spoke to you, you’re not alone. I share more honest stories, gentle reminders, and real talk about mental health, self-worth, and finding peace at your own pace.

Follow me for more! let’s grow together, one step at a time.

Location: Canada

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